


TMI Tuesday

by Emospritelet



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Embarrassing dinner conversations, F/F, F/M, Family, Fluff, Rumbelle is Hope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 15:12:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6860218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emospritelet/pseuds/Emospritelet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After too many drinks at a dinner party at Emma and Regina's place, Belle and Emma overshare details of their love lives, to the embarrassment of everyone who isn't them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	TMI Tuesday

**Author's Note:**

> Ages ago on tumblr, I talked about ideas for an awkward Chipped Bug dinner party with @ashermajestywishes, but I'd totally forgotten that I’d started writing it until a couple of days ago when I found a few paragraphs lurking in a Google doc.  Now, a bunch of us Rumbellers decided to write non-angsty stuff to post after the finale, to soothe any broken hearts that needed it.  Therefore I’d like you all to imagine that Hook is dead (woo hoo!), Swan Queen is a thing (huzzah!), and there’s a Swan Queen/Rumbelle/Snowing dinner at Regina’s house.  Plus Henry, obviously :)

It had been a mistake to let Belle mix champagne with gin and tonic, Rumple reflected.  Although it made her delightfully affectionate, it also loosened her tongue to the extent that he was considering the use of a memory charm on the other dinner guests at the end of the evening.  Dessert had been served and coffee poured, and she was in the kitchen, chatting with Emma.  Their conversation was drifting through to the dining room, making Snow blush and Henry grin around his spoon.  Rumple shared a pained glance with David when Belle started talking about their anniversary celebrations the previous week.  Foolish to think that going to the cabin would ensure privacy, when all Emma had to do to get a colourful synopsis was pour Belle drinks.  It had been their first night out since the baby had been born, of course, but he could have done without anyone else knowing the details.  Particularly Henry.  

If you had asked him a year ago, he would have scoffed at the idea of having dinner with the Charmings, of all people, at Regina’s house.  The events that had led to Hook’s eventual demise (good fucking riddance, if you asked him, but no one ever did) and Emma’s grief, had also resulted in she and Regina slowly moving from friendship to relationship to love.  There was a shared understanding there, two women who had fought the darkness within them, who had found love, who had had that love taken from them.  Emma had made her way to Granny’s one night, wanting to drown her sorrows, and had found Regina already on her third whisky.  Granny had needed to call David to take the two of them home some hours later, but the next day, according to Regina, they had felt better for sharing their pain.  Despite the hangovers.  

Their first date a few weeks later, a somewhat impromptu dinner at Granny’s sneakily organised by Henry, had surprised the whole town, but when Rumple had given Belle the news she had simply sniffed and said it had taken them long enough.  The two had now lived together at Regina’s place for around six months, co-parenting Henry and building a new life for the three of them.  It was a fitting end to the pain both women had gone through, he reflected, and he was pleased that Regina was happy.  He’d even told her as much, and although she had eyed him suspiciously, as though waiting for the hidden barb, she had accepted his good wishes and invited he and Belle to dinner that weekend.  Hence the mixing of drinks and Belle’s current state of adorable loquaciousness.  

“I think this is going to my head,” she was saying pensively, eyeing her champagne glass with suspicion, as though it had somehow tricked her into thinking the contents were apple juice.

“Just roll with it,” said Emma, refilling her glass.  “Dad’s on call at the sheriff’s station tomorrow, so I get to sIeep late.  Not like I have to make breakfast for Henry.”

“He said he’s staying with Snow and David,” said Belle, and Emma took a drink of her champagne, nodding.

“He sleeps over at Mom and Dad’s every Tuesday.  Gives me and Regina some time together.  Lazy Wednesday mornings are the _best."_   

"Yeah, it's been some time since we got to sleep late," said Belle ruefully, glancing at Rumple, and Emma nodded in understanding.

"I guess you guys like every minute alone you can get, huh?  Babies do _not_ respect the snooze button.”

“This is only our second night out since she was born,” said Belle.  “I think that’s why I’m a little tipsy.”

“You’re drunk as hell,” observed Emma, with a snort.  “No way you’d have told me about three smutty ways to use a spatula otherwise.”

“I could probably have happily lived the rest of my life without that knowledge,” said David to Snow, under his breath.  Rumple silently agreed.  

“Kitchen implements have many uses,” Belle noted wisely, and Emma shrugged.

“Well, we did have a lot of fun frosting cupcakes last weekend,” she mused.  “Not saying there was much frosting left for the actual cupcakes by the end of it, but…”

“Hey, you guys told me you ran out of frosting!” protested Henry, craning his neck to look at Emma, and she raised her arms and let them fall helplessly.

“Wasn’t technically a _lie_ , kid!” she said.  “We had plenty, it just - didn’t make it to the cupcakes.”

Regina closed her eyes, sitting very straight in her chair.  Rumple almost felt sorry for her.  It appeared Emma’s reaction to alcohol was just as bad as Belle’s.

“So, you were telling me about your anniversary,” prompted Emma, and Belle took a drink, giggling as bubbles went up her nose.

“Oh my God, it was _amazing_!” she said.  “We didn’t make it home until six in the morning.  I thought my back would never recover.”

“Wow,” remarked Emma, looking over her shoulder at Gold and failing to notice his jaw tightening.  “Who’d have guessed the old bastard had it in him?  Dark Curse has gotta be good for something, right Gold?”

“It’s not the curse!” protested Belle.  “It’s true love, and the fact that we’re just - really, _really_ good together.  There’s this thing he does with his tongue…”

“Okay!” said Snow brightly, pushing back her chair and patting Henry’s shoulder.  “I think it’s time we were going!”

“Grandma, I still have ice cream!” he protested.

“Yeah Mom, hold up!” called Emma, flicking her hair back.  “I want to hear about the tongue thing!”

“Miss Swan!” snapped Regina, and Emma and Belle burst into laughter, falling against one another.

“Uh-oh, I’m ‘Miss Swan’,” sighed Emma, and took a slurp of her wine.

“Can’t wait until I misbehave enough to get ‘Mrs Gold’,” giggled Belle.

“I think we’re approaching that,” said Rumple quietly, and she grinned at him.

“I love it when you try to be strict with me,” she said, peering at him over the top of her glass.  “You’re _really_ bad at it, do you know that?”

He rolled his eyes, sharing a glance with Regina, who turned to give Emma a frosty look.

“What?” protested Emma, spreading her hands.  “Is this about the tongue thing?  I’m interested!”

Regina arched an eyebrow.

“Are you saying you need tips from _Rumplestiltskin_ , of all people?” she asked, in a flat voice, and Emma bit her lip as Belle snorted and turned away.

“No, of course not!” said Emma, and took another drink.  “I - thought if we swapped tips, I could get Belle to give him some pointers, that’s all.”  She winked, and Rumple closed his eyes with a pained expression.

“Yeah, I really think it’s time we went,” said David hurriedly, raking his fingers through his hair.  “Henry, are you ready?”

“Grandpa,” said Henry patiently.  “I know what they’re talking about.  I’m not a kid.”  He bent his head to his ice cream, licking the spoon.  “Besides, I live here,” he added.  “The walls aren’t that thin.”

“Oh my God…”  Regina put her face in her hands, and Emma and Belle dissolved into giggles.

“Perhaps some sort of soundproofing spell,” suggested Rumple mildly, and Regina raised her head again with a glare.

“Yes, Gold, _thank_ you!” she snapped, and he snorted.

“Well, if I have to go through this humiliation, I don’t see why you shouldn’t,” he said, and she folded her arms, scowling.

“Soundproofing spell’s a great idea,” said Henry.

“Thank you,” said Rumple, winking at him, and Henry scraped his bowl, gesturing with the spoon as he swallowed.

“Yeah, you should probably look into casting one at the shop, too,” he added.  “Violet told me she heard weird noises coming out of there the other day, and I didn’t know what to tell her.”

David stifled a laugh and turned it into a cough as Rumple sighed.

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask…”  Emma leant in close to Belle and whispered something in her ear.  Something that made Belle blush fiercely and giggle.

“Well, I couldn’t say,” she said, her tone coy.  “I don’t really have any basis for comparison, but I certainly don’t need it to be any _bigger_ , let’s put it that way.”

She took a drink, glancing at her husband and batting her eyelashes.  Rumple’s eye twitched repeatedly.  Snow blushed.  David looked as though he’d rather be undergoing dental surgery.

“I don’t _believe_ this…” muttered Regina.

“Oh my God, did I tell you about our third date?”  Emma drained her glass, putting it down on the kitchen counter with a loud clunk and leaning in towards Belle.  “We ended up kissing in the alley behind Granny’s and Leroy interrupted us.  I had Regina’s shirt open, too, it was _hilarious_!  You should have seen his face.”

“Mom, the whole _town_ knows,” said Henry patiently.  “He told everyone in the diner afterwards.”

Belle giggled, and Emma shrugged, reaching for the champagne again.

“Could’ve been worse, I guess,” she acknowledged.  “For our fourth date Regina invited me here, and we had to get dressed in a hurry when we heard Henry come home.”

“Oh, so _that’s_ why you were in the shower!” said Henry, with a look of dawning realisation.  “You told me you forgot to put the lid on the blender!”

“Hey Mom, remember that time me and Henry walked in on you and Dad in bed?” called Emma.  “Looks like it’s a family tradition!”

“Oh my…”  Snow rolled her eyes to the ceiling.  “Okay, Emma, we really have to go now.”

“What an excellent plan,” said Rumple dryly, setting down his coffee cup.

Emma sighed, giving Belle a knowing look.

“Okay, Mom,” she said, straightening up, but then bent her head to Belle’s.  “Next time you can tell me about the tongue thing,” she added, in a loud whisper.

“Next time, both of you are drinking water,” said Regina, pushing back her chair.  “Rumple, take your wife home.”

“With pleasure.”

He went to get Belle’s coat from the hallway, Snow and Charming almost knocking him over in their haste to escape with Henry, and when he got back to the kitchen Belle was smiling dreamily at him, swaying slightly.  Emma now had her arms around Regina, kissing her gently.

"You stink of booze, Sheriff," murmured Regina, and Emma grinned, nuzzling her nose.

"Sorry, Your Majesty," she breathed.  "But you know I taste pretty good, right?"

Regina let out a sound that was almost a giggle, and Rumple wondered if it would be polite to interrupt them to say goodnight.  He decided to get Belle into her coat first, which made her stagger a little before he could fasten the large black buttons down the front.

“You smell good,” she said sleepily, and he flicked his eyes up to hers as he fastened the last, straightening up.

“Do I?”  He adjusted the collar and she turned her head to kiss his wrist, a wide, contented smile on her face.

“Mm-hm.  You taste good, too.  Remember this morning, when I...”

“I don’t think Regina and Emma need to hear about that,” he interrupted hastily.

“No, we do _not_.”  Regina had pulled her lips from Emma’s and was glaring at him.  He showed his teeth.

“An excellent dinner, Regina, dear,” he said.  “I’m only sorry for the turn the conversation took.”

“I’m not,” said Emma, winking at him.

Rumple elected not to respond to that, merely wishing the two of them a good night and stepping out into the cold air.  Belle shivered a little, her eyes looking somewhat glazed.

“We could go and have a drink at the diner,” she suggested, and he gave her a very level look.

“I think perhaps we ought to go home,” he said.  “You’re going to feel terrible tomorrow.”

Belle opened her mouth to reply, but then her eyes bulged and she coughed repeatedly, bent over and almost retching.  He rubbed her back in a soothing gesture, hoping she wasn’t going to throw up right there on Regina's path.  Eventually she looked up at him, bleary-eyed, but clearly trying to stay upright.  She stumbled, and he caught her around the waist as she giggled, her head lolling against his shoulder.

“I ate a bug,” she announced sadly, and he tried not laugh.

“Perhaps some water, sweetheart,” he suggested.  “A very, very large glass, what do you think?”

“Sure.”  She fell into step beside him as he set off, linking her arm through his.  “Water is _amazing_!”

“Indeed.”  He eyed her ridiculously high heels as they got to the end of the path.  “You know, I could just _poof_ us home.  Save your poor drunken legs the walk.”

“I’m not drunk!” she said indignantly, wobbling against him.  “But - I guess it wouldn’t hurt.”

He clicked his fingers, and a plume of deep red magic engulfed them.  She clung to him as it cleared to reveal their lounge, the slow tick of the clock a comforting, familiar sound to him.

“Wasn’t expecting you back so soon,” remarked Granny, looking up from the couch, where she was reading one of Belle’s more salacious novels.  “The little one was as good as gold.  Did you have fun?”

“Water,” said Belle thickly, and staggered towards the kitchen.  Granny raised an eyebrow at Rumple, and he sighed.

“It was an enjoyable evening, for the most part,” he said.  “We may even invite them over here next week.”

The sound of Belle vomiting made Granny give him a knowing look, and he sighed again.

“Or possibly never,” he added.


End file.
